Team Rick Whit

1am

confessionizer:

I went to my ex-ex-boyfriend’s last night to have rebound sex and move past you, but I couldn’t do it - the idea repulsed me. I don’t know if this is your fault or oxytocin’s, but f* you both.

 This is a prefect example of why confessionizer needs comments.  

Via confessionizer

1am

confessionizer:

i use men. and it works for me. and them. really its a win/win situation.

 It sure is.  This should be the cougar motto.  

Via confessionizer

1am

i still think strippers are gross

    Well I made it back from Chi town and my buddies bachelor party today.  I am currently walking the tightrope between remembering how much fun I had, and never wanting to look at my bank statement again. Debauchery is expensive…

    I lost the back of my phone somewhere, my dignity everywhere, and some place still owes me $50 worth of pizza I ordered and then passed out before receiving.  It was all worth it though.  I learned that I l am really attracted to women in baseball hats.  That no one can out chug a homeless guy.  Cops still have small penises, and love to be assholes for no reason to people they see having fun.  That trolley rides are just about greatest thing you can do while drinking, and I want one at my funeral.  And I still think strippers are gross and a huge waste of time and money…. Sorry Dan.

1am

Racial joke and story of the day

“When I heard they were trying to get rid of the word nigger, I told my accountant to buy 800 shares of coon.” - Chris Rock on race.

Now for a quick story.  I spent last evening with my sister at her house(The day was spent with her daughter in the garage - it was raining outside -  blowing what could only have been tens of thousands of bubbles while she screamed with delight.  Kids really dont get tired of the things they like… Ever.)  After several hours of watching E news and HGTV, I lobbied for some channel control.  She obliged, and gave me a half hour(yeah!). 

I quickly landed on the Showtime documentary about the making of Herbie Hancocks collaborative album Possibilities.  My sister had, of course, never heard of Hancock.  So she was much less than thrilled.  She kept quite during John Mayers section, but quickly started complaining afterwards when Raul Midon’s recording sessions were being shown.  Again, she had no idea who Midon was, and all she could muster was too ask, “So is that why hes qualified to sing Stevie Wonder, because hes blind?”  Me and her husband Chris just stared at each other… 

I figured that was the low point, but then she ramped up the crazy even further when, after they finished showing Raul, they moved on to the next segment.  This one began with Herbie walking outside of a cabin.  Before Herbie could even walk up to the door, my sister blurted out, “Now what is he doing, breaking and entering?”  Needless to say me and Chris were too shell shocked at first to even respond, me especially since I recognized the cabin they were outside as Trey Anastasio’s practice garage.  We quickly recovered though, and bombarded her with jokes about how racist that was for the next ten minutes.

Oh Sis.  You are such an accidental racist.  I think maybe its time to get out of the house and stop talking gibberish to an infant for 12 hours a day.  Your P.C. censors seem terribly rusty.  I love ya though.

10am

Hackers try to cause seizures on epilepsy site

Hilarious idea on paper.  But this is only funny conceptually.  There is a big difference between saying this is funny while knocking a few back with your buddies, and actually doing it… 

Once again hackers prove that they are the biggest asshole, pussy shits on the planet.  They fuck with complete strangers possessions - and now apparently health - all the while knowing there is no way the people they screw with can retaliate.  Cowards.  I dont know personally, but I imagine that seizures hurt like hell.  I can only hope that these fucks get caught and have to spend a some time in prison with a large(wink), lonely man who happens to have a high sex drive.

I think that punishment might cause them to have a little seizure of their own. :)

Via One more time, with feeling!

9am

Check list for visiting/babysitting my niece

    When your niece is as adorable as mine - just pretend for this part because there is no way yours could be - you always need to be prepared when you see her.  Since Emma Joan was 2 months old, she has known that her cuteness melts old Uncie Matt from a mile away, and she has bossed me around as such ever since.  Unfortunately, it has been a little while since I’ve have had some good quality time with my little Emma bean.  So I am bringing her a little more than usual.

Toy Airplane? Check. - Emma loves to play outside, which is great because I don’t care much for playing inside since all she does is just order me to stand up and sit down in various spots around the room while she plays.  Its pretty annoying, and she makes me move every 30 seconds… Anyway, what I am trying to get at is I love to play with her outside, and she has recently become obsessed with pointing and yelling at the airplanes she sees fly by in the sky.  What does Uncie Matt do when he hears this news?  He buys her a toy plane of course.(FYI: Toy planes are fucking sweet these days.  The RC stuff I dreamt about as a kid is so cheap now!  Remote controlled airplanes and helicopters are like 20 bucks.  I honestly almost bought one for myself.  And the weird thing is, those were the exact type of toys I wasn’t looking for. But somehow I was drawn to them.  I mean there I was, a 23 year old man rationalizing the purchase of a child’s remote control airplane for my 22 month old niece.  I almost talked myself into it… I can be very convincing.)

Badass Bubble Maker? Check - Emmy is currently obsessed with bubbles.  In fact you cant say the word around her, with out producing some bubbles immediately, or she will fly off the handle.  So I bought her the biggest bubble gun I could find.  Since her favorite thing is to try and catch the bubbles, I figured I would make it easier for her and buy the one that makes bubbles the size of her head… Its loud as hell though.  My sister isn’t going to be pleased.

Kite? Check - This one is a secret present, because I know my sister will really be upset about me giving her this one.  I figure since Emma loves stuff that flies like a plane, and floats like a bubble, why not get the best of both worlds and get her a Disney kite.  Why will my sister hate this present you ask?  Simple, she runs like an injured bird and sucks at getting kites in the air.  Something Emma is going to ask her to do a lot once I show her how cool they are.

101 Dalmatians? Check - This is actually from a couple months ago.  I saw that Disney was, “taking it out of the vault” and went and picked it up for her since her two favorite things in life are dogs and Disney movies.  I just haven’t gotten around to giving it too her yet.

Bringing Yats for lunch? Check - Since it is my favorite restaurant its also a gift for me, but this is the first and only place I have ever taken Emma to eat.  Ok, well, we did go to Five Guys Burgers and Fries once and she at her hot dog like it was her last meal.  But that’s the only time we strayed from Yats.  I lucked out.  My baby niece loves to eat Cajun food with me. How badass is that?  

     All in all I’d say Emma and I have a pretty kick ass day ahead of ourselves….  Oh and tomorrow 20 of my rowdiest, best friends and I are heading up to Chicago for quite possibly the greatest assemblage of binge drinkers, joke tellers, and hook up artists a bachelor party has ever seen. So Friday and Saturday should be pretty kick ass too.  But for entirely different reasons.

8am

brooklynmutt:

McCain Declines Secret Service

Not going to lie, this started out a little slow. But damn did this get hilarious by the end. “The day I get out tracked in the Jungle, is the day I saw off my own balls.” Thats Satirical Gold. Perfect delivery of the word balls.  Well done Onion.

Via Brooklyn'Mutt

1am

Confirmation that the N.E. Patriots are cheaters

believeinblue:

Not that we didnt already know this, but we now have confirmation that the Patriots illegally video taped opponents’ signals dating back to 2000. Both the N.Y. Times and NFL confirmed on Wednesday the receival of 8 video tapes in which the Patriots recorded signal calling.

This is a story that just gets better and better, and I cannot wait to see the Nation’s (not to mention Roger Goodell’s) reaction to these videos.

Fuck the Pats!!!  Bill Belichek is scum.

Via Believe In Blue

1am

campaign add on McCain's stance on abortion

amandadaugherty:

I was talking to someone the other day who said Roe v Wade was at no risk of being overturned.

    It is at no Risk. Absolutely 100% no risk of being overturned. Not now, not 10 years from now, not 100 years from now. It shocks me that so few people understand this countries legal system, or how it pertains to our government. But, if you like, I can explain why this is, so you never have to worry about it again. (Note: I say, “if you like” because this is extremely boring)

    For starters, don’t worry about McCain. McCain is much more liberal on abortion than our current President - who just so happened to have a Republican Congress for 6 years - and what did he change? Even if McCain does become president, he will be incredibly marginalized by a divided country, and will have next to no influence. Little influence, plus a Democratic Congress, equals no big changes.

    But what people need to realize is that abortion is not really a political issue. Politicians just use it as a farce to define their moral platform. No one politician is ever going to change the current abortion laws, in either direction, because they flat out cant. The second Roe Vs. Wade went to the Supreme Court, abortion ceased to be a political issue and is now, and forever will be, a legal issue pertaining to constitutionality.

    The fact of the matter is that Roe vs. Wade has the same chance of being overturned* as Freedom of Speech or Religion.(*Overturned isnt really the right word.) Almost more so, because of the fact that abortion not only pertains to protecting civil liberties, but also because it directly deals with the health and well being of a citizen. Pregnancy is long, painful, and can be very dangerous for the woman. It is, by definition, unconstitutional for our government to tell a woman she must, or cant, carry a child. The foundation of our democracy is the fact that our government cant control our minds, thoughts, ideas, words, or bodies.

    Now on to the boring stuff. A President, such as a McCain, technically has the least say on an issue such as abortion because of the way our governments “Checks and Balances” work.(Now things get complicated) A Supreme Court decision can only be “overturned” by Congress, via a proposed constitutional amendment. This would require a 2/3rds majority of Congress and ratification of 38 out of the 50 states. (This is the scenario Pro Lifers are referring to when they call for an “overturn” of Roe vs. Wade. But since our Congress cant agree on whether Global Warming is real or not, Ill go ahead and say, “Good Fucking Luck” to getting that to happen…Politicians don’t like controversial topics.) Obviously since the President doesn’t have the power to make such a proposal, or vote on it, he/she would be on the proverbial sideline for any such debate - especially since a constitutional amendment produces the same majority that bypasses any possible Presidential Veto.

    I keep quoting “overturned” because it is the wrong word when dealing with an issue of civil liberties. The structure of our government is such that the people with the greatest expertise are the ones who make the decisions(At least that’s how it started). Thus Congress has a great deal of influence over Supreme Court decisions that deal with issues like anti-trust or federal statute. And rightly so. Congress are the law makers, and have the wealth of lobbyists and committees at their disposal. So it is logical for them to have the power to override or modify court decisions that pertain to this field. This is one of the most important interactions in our government because it allows Congress to continually play a role in the development of statutory matters.

    However, once an issue of civil liberties is raised, the Congress immediately loses that power and influence. The Supreme Court are the stewards of the Constitution. Just as it makes sense for congress to know more about anti-trust than the courts, it is only logical for the highest, and most experienced court to have the final word on the legal ideologies of the Constitution. The Constitution is our grocery list of inalienable rights guaranteed to each and every citizen, and only the Supreme Court has the authority to interpret those rights and apply them to cases. (In other words, Congress technically does not even have the right to create a constitutional amendment banning abortion, because only the Supreme Court has the power to decide matters of constitutionality. Which they already did when they decided forcing a woman to bear a child was unconstitutional.)

    The only way for Roe vs. Wade to actually be overturned in the literal sense would require a case being brought in front of the Courts challenging the precedent set forth by RvW. I made precedent bold because once a ruling on constitutional civil liberties becomes a precedent, it is basically set in stone, and that decision is used as a benchmark for other cases. The implications of a binding precedent such as RvW apply to so many millions of other cases and scenarios that the wheels of change are almost impossible to set in motion. If Roe vs. Wade were to be overturned, the court would be, in effect, acknowledging that our bodies are property of the state. People would be able to argue that tattoos, piercing, or wild hair cuts are illegal as well. The ramifications are unimaginable in scale. You would be insinuating that the highest and most prestigious compilation of legal minds in the world is a room full of nearsighted, fascist fools if you were to suggest anything within the realm of possibility of this decision being reexamined and overturned. The Supreme Court does not rule by morality, they rule by legality. (Except Scalia, he has gone off the deep end.)

    I’m not saying there wont be legal or congressional battles about abortion in the future, there will be, but they wont be about outlawing anything. The only debates that will ever make the floor will have to do with gestation limits or extensions on when one can have an abortion. The term “unconstitutional”, which is what was applied to Roe vs. Wade, is the ultimate trump card that can be played in our country. American isn’t going to force its women to produce a, “Son for the Fatherland” any time soon.

    This is an extremely watered down explanation, but what I’m trying to get at is, don’t worry. Abortion is basically in our countries Bill of Rights now.

Via Amanda

7pm

thought of the day

2pm

Summer Concert Schedule

    This summer is rapidly shaping up to be the best concert going season in recent memory.  So many great bands are coming to my neck of the woods this summer it is next to impossible to list them all, let alone actually make it so see them.  Never the less I am making my list and hoping for the best.  (Sorry for basically stealing your list Terz)

May 11th - The Bravery - Indianapolis 500 Qualifying Race, Indy - I doubt Ill be back from my buddies bachelor party in Chi town in time for this. But I will sure as hell crank out their music during the drive. 

May 17th - Blind Melon - Piere’s, Fort Wayne, IN - Terz saw them and said they still rock without Shannon, so its time to find out for myself.

May 20th - Tommy Emmanuel - Music Mill, Indianapolis, IN - Im a sucker for a great acoustic player.  He definitely fits the bill.

May 23rd - Stone Temple Pilots - Carbday Indianpolis Motor Speedway, IN - Already have my ticket and VIP pass.  Should be a rowdy day and the greatest race track in the world.

May 30th - Eric Clapton with Robert Randolph and the Family Band - Deer Creek - I’ve seen this show before, and I enjoyed it greatly.  Im a guitarist and was raised in a Clapton house, so I will always have a soft spot for the old man. Unfortunately I will be giving a toast at a rehearsal dinner for a wedding I am in the next day during this concert, so I guess we will have to wait and see what happens with the 2008 Crossroads Guitar Festival. Those shows are my definition of happiness. 

 June 4th - CAKE - Caesars Indiana Outdoor Venue, Elizabeth, IN - This show is going to fucking rule.  So will dominating at black jack in the casino after.  This one is a must.

 June 5th to 8th - Wakarussa Music Festival Built to Spill/Cake/Flaming Lips/ Hot Buttered Rum and about 100 others, Lawrence, KS - Would love to make it out to Kansas to see my buddies out there and go to this. I dont know if I can make it happen.

June 6th - Tom Waits - Ohio Theatre, Columbus, OH - Much more realistic than Wakarussa.

June 13th -Medeski, Scofield, Martin, & Wood - Indy Jazzfest, Indianapolis, IN - Big fucking surprise. Indy’s Jazz festival landed the best jazz trio in the world, IMO, and got them to bring along the damn professor of jazz guitar John Scofield.  Indianapolis wins again.

June 28th - Steve Miller Band w/ Joe Cocker - Deer Creek, Noblesville, IN - More excited about the Joe Cocker aspect of that show, but still happy with the Steve section as well.

June 28th - Stevie Wonder - Grant Park, Chicago, IL - Ha! Just fucking with you Steve Miller Band!  I would rather see Stevie Wonder fart onto a cymbal than see you guys in concert. You guys are still badasses, but no one can fuck with Stevie.  

 July 3rd - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Deer Creek, Noblesville, IN - If you are anything like me you don’t always go to concerts because you love the band.  Tom Petty is ok.  Basically you go to events like this because everyone you know, but don’t get to see that often, will be there drunk and singing along. It’s like a High School reunion, but with better music.

  - This would be where I would insert John Mayer at Deer Creek, but hes touring with Colby Caillet and Brett Dennen.  Sorry John, I love you, but I don’t think I can handle that crowd.

  - Oh and here is where I don’t get to put Derek Trucks because it fucking figures that the only time he would come to the Midwest is when I have to be out east. Thanks a lot Karma. 

July 13th - Marc Knopfler - Chicago Theater, Chicago, IL  - All time badass at one of my all time favorite venues.  He puts on a great live show.

July 15th - Steely Dan - Chicago Theater, Chicago, IL - Just fucking with you Terz.  I doubt I will make it to this show, but if I was going to see a Steely Terz (I lovingly refer to them as this out of respect for their biggest Italian fan, Jameson Terzini) show, I would want it to be this one.  I love the Chicago theater.

Aug 1-3 - Lollapalooza (Rage Against the Machine/Radiohead headliners) Chicago, IL -Lollapalooza in Chicago.  Enough said. Would be great to go too, but the scheduling isn’t too doable considering the next event on the list.

Aug 3rd - Radiohead - Deer Creek, Noblesville, IN - Already have my ticket in safe keeping, and already mentally preparing for one of the greatest concert going experiences of my life.

    Obviously I wont make it to all of these shows, but its fun to dream.  So I think I will keep my ear to the ground, keep adding others cool shows I hear about, and, most importantly, keep dreaming about how great it would be to see them all.

10am